10 Ways to Learn to Like Yourself Better

Now let’s examine those 10 ways you can become a self-liker rather than a self-critic:

1. Don’t be afraid to confront your failings. The Boyraz and Waits study showed that being able to think about your weaknesses doesn’t condemn you to a life of self-hatred.
2. Step back and enjoy your accomplishments. When you’ve done something well, don’t be afraid to admit that you succeeded. It doesn’t have to be something earth-shattering: Having cooked a good meal, eat it with pleasure and allow any compliments from those you cooked for to sink in.
3. Learn to look at the things you like about yourself in the mirror. Sure, your makeup isn’t perfect and that rash on your chin makes it look a little red. But what about the great job you did on your hair? If all else fails, find a mirror with better lighting than the bright fluorescents in your office.
4. Go on a date with yourself. On the date, spend some time alone devoted to thinking about your experiences: Enjoy a movie or concert, or a meal at your favorite restaurant while you spend time reflecting on what’s going on around you. You can even laugh at your own jokes.
5. Strive to be a better person, but don’t expect changes to happen all at once.You might be completely unhappy with your weight and can’t stand the thought that the pounds aren’t melting off faster. Give yourself a realistic timeline and measure yourself against smaller, achievable goals.
6. Spend a weekend day or evening without worrying about how you look. Try a makeup-free Sunday or a grubby t-shirt Tuesday night. See what it’s like to be yourself without being concerned about impressing anyone else.
7. Think about the past, but don’t let yourself be overwhelmed with regret. You wish like anything that you could turn back the clock and not have said the hurtful thing you said to your friend. Once you've uttered those words, though, you can't unsay them. However, you may have learned something useful about yourself in the process and certainly can make every effort to apologize.
8. Understand that no one is perfect. When you’re in low self-acceptance mode, you believe that everyone is better than you. It’s possible that others are better than you in certain ways, but that doesn’t mean you’re any less of a person yourself. Instead of comparing yourself negatively, accept that fact, and then see if you can learn from it.
9. Enjoy your personality, foibles and all. So you’re a little bit too meticulous and want everything to be perfect. When things don’t work out as you wish and you start to berate your weaknesses, stop and do a reality check. So you spilled coffee all over your brand-new tablecloth. OK, maybe you’re a bit clumsy. That doesn’t mean you’re worthless.
10. Like “most” of yourself as much as you can. You’re may not reach 100% self-satisfaction, but maybe you can get to 75 or 80%. In the measure of self-acceptance that the Louisiana Tech team used, getting high scores meant saying you were happy with “most” of your personality traits.

Source:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201604/10-ways-learn-yourself-better?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost

Defense Mechanisms

What is a Defense Mechanism?

Definition:

Most notably used by Sigmund Freud in his psychoanalytic theory, a defense mechanism is a tactic developed by the ego to protect against anxiety. Defense mechanisms are thought to safeguard the mind against feelings and thoughts that are too difficult for the conscious mind to cope with. In some instances, defense mechanisms are thought to keep inappropriate or unwanted thoughts and impulses from entering the conscious mind.

Because of anxiety provoking demands created by the id, superego, and reality, the ego has developed a number of defense mechanisms to cope with anxiety. Although we may knowingly use these mechanisms, in many cases these defenses work unconsciously to distort reality.

For example, if you are faced with a particularly unpleasant task, your mind may choose to forget your responsibility in order to avoid the dreaded assignment. In addition to forgetting, other defense mechanisms include rationalization, denial, repression, projection, rejection and reaction formation.

While all defense mechanisms can be unhealthy, they can also be adaptive and allow us to function normally. The greatest problems arise when defense mechanisms are overused in order to avoid dealing with problems. In psychoanalytic therapy, the goal may be to help the client uncover these unconscious defense mechanisms and find better, more healthy ways of coping with anxiety and distress.

Researchers have described a wide variety of different defense mechanisms. Sigmund Freud's daughter, Anna Freud described ten different defense mechanisms used by the ego.

Follow the links below to read more about each type of defense mechanism as well as other defense mechanisms described by psychologists.

Denial

Denial is probably one of the best known defense mechanisms, used often to describe situations in which people seem unable to face reality or admit an obvious truth (i.e. "He's in denial."). Denial is an outright refusal to admit or recognize that something has occurred or is currently occurring. Drug addicts or alcoholics often deny that they have a problem, while victims of traumatic events may deny that the event ever occurred.

Denial functions to protect the ego from things that the individual cannot cope with. While this may save us from anxiety or pain, denial also requires a substantial investment of energy. Because of this, other defenses are also used to keep these unacceptable feelings from consciousness.

In many cases, there might be overwhelming evidence that something is true, yet the person will continue to deny its existence or truth because it is too uncomfortable to face.

Denial can involve a flat out rejection of the existence of a fact or reality. In other cases, it might involve admitting that something is true, but minimizing its importance. Sometimes people will accept reality and the seriousness of the fact, but they will deny their own responsibility and instead blame other people or other outside forces.

Addiction is one of the best-known examples of denial. People who are suffering from a substance abuse problem will often flat-out deny that their behavior is problematic. In other cases, they might admit that they do use drugs or alcohol, but will claim that this substance abuse is not a problem.

Repression

Repression is another well-known defense mechanism. Repression acts to keep information out of conscious awareness. However, these memories don't just disappear; they continue to influence our behavior. For example, a person who has repressed memories of abuse suffered as a child may later have difficulty forming relationships.

Sometimes we do this consciously by forcing the unwanted information out of our awareness, which is known as suppression. In most cases, however, this removal of anxiety-provoking memories from our awareness is believed to occur unconsciously.

Displacement

Have ever had a really bad day at work and then gone home and taken out your frustration on family and friends? Then you have experienced the ego defense mechanism of displacement. Displacement involves taking out our frustrations, feelings, and impulses on people or objects that are less threatening. Displaced aggression is a common example of this defense mechanism. Rather than express our anger in ways that could lead to negative consequences (like arguing with our boss), we instead express our anger towards a person or object that poses no threat (such as our spouse, children, or pets).

Sublimation

Sublimation is a defense mechanism that allows us to act out unacceptable impulses by converting these behaviors into a more acceptable form. For example, a person experiencing extreme anger might take up kick-boxing as a means of venting frustration. Freud believed that sublimation was a sign of maturity that allows people to function normally in socially acceptable ways.

Projection

Projection is a defense mechanism that involves taking our own unacceptable qualities or feelings and ascribing them to other people. For example, if you have a strong dislike for someone, you might instead believe that he or she does not like you. Projection works by allowing the expression of the desire or impulse, but in a way that the ego cannot recognize, therefore reducing anxiety.

Intellectualization

Intellectualization works to reduce anxiety by thinking about events in a cold, clinical way. This defense mechanism allows us to avoid thinking about the stressful, emotional aspect of the situation and instead focus only on the intellectual component. For example, a person who has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness might focus on learning everything about the disease in order to avoid distress and remain distant from the reality of the situation.

Rationalization is a defense mechanism that involves explaining an unacceptable behavior or feeling in a rational or logical manner, avoiding the true reasons for the behavior. For example, a person who is turned down for a date might rationalize the situation by saying they were not attracted to the other person anyway, or a student might blame a poor exam score on the instructor rather than his or her lack of preparation.

Rationalization not only prevents anxiety, it may also protect self-esteem and self-concept. When confronted by success or failure, people tend to attribute achievement to their own qualities and skills while failures are blamed on other people or outside forces.

When confronted by stressful events, people sometimes abandon coping strategies and revert to patterns of behavior used earlier in development. Anna Freud called this defense mechanism regression, suggesting that people act out behaviors from the stage of psychosexual development in which they are fixated. For example, an individual fixated at an earlier developmental stage might cry or sulk upon hearing unpleasant news.

Behaviors associated with regression can vary greatly depending upon which stage the person is fixated at:

• An individual fixated at the oral stage might begin eating or smoking excessively, or might become very verbally aggressive.
• A fixation at the anal stage might result in excessive tidiness or messiness.

Reaction formation reduces anxiety by taking up the opposite feeling, impulse or behavior. An example of reaction formation would be treating someone you strongly dislike in an excessively friendly manner in order to hide your true feelings. Why do people behave this way? According to Freud, they are using reaction formation as a defense mechanism to hide their true feelings by behaving in the exact opposite manner.

Other Defense Mechanisms

Since Freud first described the original defense mechanisms, other researchers have continued to describe other methods of reducing anxiety. Some of these defense mechanisms include:

• Acting Out: In this type of defense, the individual copes with stress by engaging in actions rather than reflecting upon internal feelings.
• Affiliation: This involves turning to other people for support.
• Aim Inhibition: In this type of defense, the individual accepts a modified form of their original goal (i.e. becoming a high school basketball coach rather than a professional athlete.)
• Altruism: Satisfying internal needs through helping others.
• Avoidance: Refusing to deal with or encounter unpleasant objects or situations.
• Compensation: Overachieving in one area to compensate for failures in another.
• Humor: Pointing out the funny or ironic aspects of a situation.
• Passive-aggression: Indirectly expressing anger.

While defense mechanisms are often thought of as negative reactions, some of these defenses can be helpful. For example, utilizing humor to overcome a stressful, anxiety-provoking situation can actually be an adaptive defense mechanism. In other cases, they allow people to temporarily ease stress during critical times, allowing them to focus on what is necessary in the moment.

Source:

https://www.verywell.com/defense-mechanisms-2795960

Treatment-Resistant Depression Might Be ADHD

Sometimes the simplest explanation is the best.

Here’s an example: if you have depression that’s not responding to treatment, the core issue you’re dealing with might not be depression at all.

Medscape is reporting on some interesting research just presented at the 2016 Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) Conference. It turns out a lot of people who seek help for depression but don’t respond well to antidepressants might in fact have undiagnosed ADHD.

The study looked at 105 people between the ages of 17 and 71 who were referred to a clinic for mood and anxiety disorders. Although none of the patients were referred for ADHD, an assessment found that 22.6% of them had undiagnosed ADHD.

The results also suggested that patients with less successful treatment histories were more likely to have undetected ADHD. Specifically, patients who had received more diagnoses, tried more medications, and tried more SSRIs were more likely to have ADHD.

Among people referred for treatment-resistant depression in particular, those who had received more diagnoses, tried more medications unsuccessfully, tried at least one SSRI unsuccessfully, and been diagnosed with social anxiety had the highest rates of undiagnosed ADHD.

This research highlights an important point: many people with undiagnosed ADHD initially seek help for depression and/or anxiety.

That’s how I first found out I had ADHD. I was lucky to have a doctor who was able to start untangling what was really going on, that depression and anxiety weren’t the whole story.

Unfortunately, many people with ADHD seek treatment for depression or anxiety, and that’s what they get. They try failed med after failed med. They don’t get the answers they’re looking for, just a bunch of SSRIs that don’t work, because SSRIs don’t treat ADHD.

It’s easy to misdiagnose ADHD as depression not just because adult ADHD is a newer and somewhat complicated diagnosis but also because ADHD and depression can look similar.

First, there’s the fact that undiagnosed ADHD often leads to depression. It’s pretty damn depressing to feel like you can’t get your life together, like you’re destined for failure for reasons you don’t understand. It can feel downright hopeless to think you’re too lazy to create the kind of life you want but at the same time there’s no amount of work you can do to make yourself not lazy.

Then there’s the overlap in actual symptoms between ADHD and depression. People with ADHD and depression both struggle with motivation. The understimulation and boredom-proneness of ADHD can look similar to the anhedonia of depression. And inattention can be associated with depression, not just ADHD.

Despite these similarities, though, ADHD and depression are very different in terms of brain chemistry. No amount of antidepressants are going to treat ADHD. Treating ADHD like depression leads to doctors prescribing failed med after failed med until the patient just gives up on treatment altogether.

There are also big differences in terms of symptoms. Maybe most importantly, ADHD is a chronic condition that begins in childhood. It might make itself known in different ways, but a doctor and patient working together should be able to find a running thread of symptoms through the patient’s life. ADHD is like the worst kind of house guest – it shows up early, makes your life hard, and never leaves. The showing up early and never leaving parts in particular are aspects of the disorder a good doctor can use to distinguish ADHD from depression.

But many people with ADHD never do get past a misdiagnosis of depression. The fact that almost a quarter of the patients in this study had undiagnosed ADHD despite the fact that none of them were referred for ADHD shows that there’s still a lot of work to be done in raising awareness about adult ADHD, and that doing this work will help a lot of people.

How did you get diagnosed with ADHD? Did you seek help for depression or anxiety, or did you know you had ADHD? Please share in the comments!

Source:

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/adhd-millennial/2016/04/treatment-resistant-depression-might-be-adhd/