Becoming Assertive

You want to be assertive!

An assertive person evaluates a situation, decides how to act, and responds without undue anxiety or guilt. They respect themselves and other people and take responsibility for their actions and decisions. They are aware of what they want and ask for it in an open and direct manner. If refused, they feel appropriately disappointed but they do not suffer a blow to their self-esteem. Assertive behaviour is based on the belief that the person has the same rights, responsibilities and personal self-worth as other people. 

Assertive rights are those rights and expectations that any human being has by virtue of their existence. 

The important thing to remember is that everybody has these rights. As human beings we have:

1) The right to ask for what we want (realising that the other person has the right to say 'No').

2) The right to express our feelings, opinions and beliefs.

3) The right to make our own decisions and to cope with the consequences.

4) The right to say 'yes' and 'no' for ourselves.

5) The right to change our minds.

6) The right to say "I don't understand"

7) The right to choose whether or not to get involved in the problems of someone else.

8) The right to make mistakes.

9) The right to be alone and to be independent.

10) The right to privacy.

11) The right to be successful and to acknowledge it.

12) The right to change ourselves and be assertive people.

It’s all too easy for us to forget that we have these rights and that makes it even more difficult to stand up and fight for them. The more aware we are of the rights we have, the more confident we will be about working towards them. 

Read through the list of rights on a regular basis to remind yourself of them. If you have difficulty accepting any of them, then mark these on the list and spend some time thinking about how abusing these rights is stopping you from getting the most of our life. You might find it helpful to discuss them with someone who doesn't lack assertiveness.